Parenthood is one of those funny things. Super hilarious in fact.

You think you know all there is to know about what it will be like when you become one, based on everything you have seen or heard over the span of your own life so far.

Even though you kind of expect it to be “hard”, you have stuffed yourself full of so much confidence by the time you finally fall pregnant, that you strut completely into the role of a new parent like a smug parenty jerk. Pffft. More fool you.

And then all of a sudden, you are a parent for real. And its a wee bit different to what you had thought.

And by “you” I actually mean “me” if you know what I mean.

As soon as you joyously enter the world of “parenthood”, you are instantly & shockingly open-palm slapped in the face with all of the things that you didn’t know, and could never have guessed in a million years. You find yourself fumbling through each day and night – haunted by the questions; “so, what the hell do we do now?”, and “how in the buggery was I allowed to become a parent?”.

You will frustratingly & annoyingly never be given the answers to your questions. You will never know if what you are doing is right, so you continue blindly fumbling around hoping that your little ones wont decide to swan dive off the change table, swing from the upstairs railing, or somehow manage to shut themselves in the tumble dryer and switch it on.

If it doesn’t happen, then trust me, you are completely WINNING at parenthood.

In fact, there are way too many things that I never realised about parenthood before I got into this gig. I couldn’t have. There is no brain big enough in this world to possibly know it all, certainly not mine.

And I don’t think that anyone can ever really understand the unending scope of just how much they DON’T know, until they are right in there – wading through vomit and poop.

Like… Well, firstly…I never realised just how relentless this parenthood gig would be.

It is a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week job. Even if you have a “day off” you can never really rest. Because your family needs you all. the. damn. time. To pick them up. To put them down. To change a nappy. To put socks on. To take socks off. To feed them. To read to them. To tell the husband where a particular dish is (even though it hasn’t changed locations in eight years).

To let the dog out. To hang the washing out. To help zip the baby into his sleeping bag. To wash the bottles. To let the dog back in. To make lunch. To do the dishes. To pay a bill. To organise the birthday party. To remember which friends babies birthday it is next, and to buy them presents because you wont have time because you will be too busy putting those damn socks back on or taking them off again.

And it goes on and on and on and on. Day and night.

This is life. Well, for a while anyway.

Then secondly…things that were previously super easy are now stupidly hard.

Like going to the shops. Going to the shops now tests even the strongest of wills.

A person just cannot get in the car and quickly go like they used to. With kids, you need to strategically plan the outing for a minimum of a month and pack like you are going on a holiday. Even if you are simply going out to get a carton of milk. It’s so exhausting, and the thought of wrestling the baby in and out of the car now makes me refuse to put my bra on, and just stay home and put cream in my tea instead.

I mean, it’s all a bit hard, so I figure who needs milk anyway?

Thirdly.  You have to be so hideously aware of everything you say or do, because those little minds are so horrifyingly busy, soaking up every little detail of their surroundings and filing away all of that information for later.

No more carelessly saying “shit” or “fuck” where little ears can memorize it and then scream it out in the middle of Target. No more picking noses in the lounge-room, as their little fingers will certainly follow. God its all so exhausting. It’s hard work trying to be more considerate and polite version of ourselves than we really are, to set a good example for our little human sponges to follow as they grow up. Yup, totes exhausting.

Fourthly, the endless repetition of every day. I have previously posted about feeling like I am existing in my own round of groundhog day. Read about it here. Because when you have kids you live each day in shifts, in between sleeps. And you fill those shifts with so much of the same stuff. Singing the same songs, reading the same books. I can’t even tell you how over We’re Going On A Bear Hunt I am. I am pretty sure that I could recite the damn thing from memory from when my son was around 5 weeks old.

It’s repetitive. It really is, so you have to find interesting things to do, not only for your child’s enjoyment, but your own sanity.

And finally. Fifthly, I could never have realised the intense and obsessive love that you feel towards your little human. It’s so unexpected, and is so completely different to every other kind of love that has ever existed in your life. It fills every part of you.

With your own children, you experience a love that is so all-encompassing that it almost becomes absurd. Your heart flaps about in your chest just bursting with love towards your little creations, even when you are frustrated, exhausted and irritated beyond belief, you still love the little buggers.

Who else can you say that about?

So, my message to new parents is basically this. Read as much as you want in the lead up to the birth. And then set fire to those books. Because no amount of reading can really prepare you for parenthood.

You will figure it out along the way. And you will be great. I promise.

 

 

What type of things did you not realise about parenthood, before you became a parent yourself? Leave a comment and tell me below, as I would love to hear all about it! xxx

 

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