My tolerance levels seem to have plummeted since becoming a parent.

Sometimes, I manage a shocking level of self-control which allows me to swan about full of nothing but joyful patience, especially towards my child and other gorgeous little kidlets alike. But other times, I find that the simplest of annoyances send me into a complete and irrational rage spiral. My face goes red, my bloody starts to boil, and sometimes my right eye starts to twitch like a mad woman on the edge of spontaneous combustion.  

Now I read something recently that sounded very, very wise. It was on Facebook of course, where I do all of my best and most accurate research. It was something about how the things that annoy you in life are actually there to teach you something. Or at least, that’s what I think it said. I could have been drinking wine at the time.

Well.

Whilst I completely understand that life is constantly throwing these lessons at us, to make us grow and broaden and blah blah blah, at the same time I am completely dumb founded by how some of the things that completely shit me since becoming a parent could possibly have any kind of lesson that would be worth learning. No lessons learned here anyway. Nope. #ijustdontgetit

So to celebrate the fact that I have no idea what the hell is going on (like ever) or why things exist (other than to totally drive me batty), I decided to throw this list together of what REALLY SHITS me since becoming a parent.

I guess by sending it out in the universe like this, that I am actually hoping those things may somehow shit me just that little bit less tomorrow.

So here is my list. Well, part of it anyway. And may getting it out of my brain and in front of your faces, bring me only comfort and inner calm from this day forward.

The Things That Shit Me, I mean, REALLY Shit Me, Since Becoming A Parent.

1. People who chew with their mouth open.

Oh my gosh. So gross. I don’t want to see what you are eating tiny human. I cooked it for you. I know exactly what it is and what it looked like on the way in. And because we haven’t started toilet training you properly yet, I will most likely get the joy of seeing what it looks like on the way out tomorrow too. I am JUST THAT LUCKY!

Side note: My husband actually does this too, however for him it is different. He actually has a sinus problem, and if he chews with his mouth closed he literally cannot breathe and may die in front of me at the dinner table, mid mouthful of mashed potato. What a “beige” way to go.

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2. People ignoring me when I try and talk.

There is nothing ruder than being ignored. Actually, having someone talk over the top of me like I am not even speaking is also the absolute pits, but what gives being ignored the blood boiling edge, is that I hate having to repeat myself.

Yup, all of THIS (gestures wildly to myself) will hit high levels of eye twitching “cray” if I have to say something more than once purely because you couldn’t be bothered listening to me the first time. Nope. Cant do it.

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3. People weeing on the floor and not cleaning it up.

Dudes (and this is a message to both men and women weirdly enough)- after you go to the toilet, check that there are no wee droplets on the floor puh-leeeeeeease! It’s not hard.

There is nothing worse than stumbling to the toilet in the middle of the night in the dark and stepping in someone else’s wee droplets. #ermagawdgross.

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4. Vomiting. In any guise. And no matter who does it.

Arrrrrgggghhhh disgusting!

I try to avoid it at all costs. I get that its kinda normal and is the body’s way of saying “GTF out of me”, but to me, it’s a totally horrific act. I actually I have a phobia of it. #vomitaphobia??

Yep, I struggle doing it, hearing it, seeing others do it, smelling it, finding those chunks of it up your nose afterwards (hopefully your own. Ew)… Everything about it is just revolting, and slightly terrifying.

I would totally SUCK at being a nurse.

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5. Impoliteness.

I was raised to be fairly polite. And over time I have found that a little bit of politeness actually goes a hell of a long way. Probably to my own detriment sometimes, but no matter.

Because sometimes I automatically apologise even for things that are not my fault. Not because I am actually sorry that it happened, but purely out of politeness and kindness. And I expect the other person that I am apologising to, to do the same to me.

You know, as a mutual “we both were dicks. Lets apologise and go on our merry way” kind of thing.

I am teaching my son to say please and thank you, and sorry if he does something wrong, because I don’t want him to take his lot in life as a given. I want him to consider the impact that he has on everyone around him. Even strangers.

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6. People who say the same thing over and over again.

I have a weird thing. I hate hearing the same word or noise over and over again.

And kids like to repeat the same word or phrase a million and a half times in a row before they change topics. How annoying. How rage inducing. Oh joy. Oh joy. Oh joy. Oh joy. Oh joy. Oh joy.  Oh joy. Oh joy. Oh joy.  Oh joy. Oh joy. Oh joy.

Shudder. Shoot me.

Just call me #mumumumumumumumumumumumumumummamummamummamummummum

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Ok, now.

So, I do realise that there are many things that are amazing in this world that should be focused on and celebrated and maybe I will do this in my next post.

However today girlfriend, I am tired, I am grumpy and I am totally getting the flu. So today is not the day for happy’s.

This is where my head is at right now. And it is totally shitting me.

What totally shits you since becoming a parent? Leave me a comment below as I would love to hear about it. Lets get our inner rage on together! xxx