This parenthood business hey? I mean, wowsa. What a ride.

I know that I have said this before, but there is so much that you just don’t think about before you have kids. So much that goes unsaid. So much that you can never ever plan for.

It’s quite unbelievable actually.

I don’t know about you, but when I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was so excited. I fluffed about thinking about what an incredible mother I would be. I would have my glorious, smiling, non-ever-crying little baby, and my bearded handsome husband by my side. And we would make a glorious life together.

Everything would be fluffy and roses and kick-ass.

But I have been there. I have had a newborn. I have lived it like so many other gajillion parents before me. And so I know what it is really like.

Whilst it is amazing, it IS glorious, it is beautiful, wonderful, incredible and I wouldn’t change it for all of the world, it is also so many other things.

It is relentless, it is exhausting, it is hard AF and it can also be one of the most incredibly isolating experiences of all time.

In the early days while juggling feeding, sleeping, and teething, along with all of the hormone imbalances, you begin to feel a hint of it. The visitors all stop – which is kind of a relief because of how exhausted you are – but as the days go on you start to feel it a little bit more.

Some people may even feel it at the start, purely due to the most enormous shift of life once having a baby.

And the feeling that I am talking about, is the feeling of isolation.

For me? I feel it every time my little man gets sick. Every single time.

Or when my husband decides that tonight is the night to not do the dishes and leave them for his tired wifey. #weareonlyeatingfrompaperplatesgoingforwardjustsayin

Because if my little man is sick, like any other mumma out there, I feel locked in. I don’t want to go out and make anyone else sick, or risk making my son sicker for longer, so I end up feeling trapped within the four walls that make up my home.

Which is frustrating, because if I get a single hint of that sense of isolation at any other time, I get out of the house. I go do something. I visit someone who will make both me and my little man smile. I go somewhere to distract us. Anywhere, it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes it can be as simple as grabbing the babe and the dog and taking them for a big walk so my little man can provide a running commentary on all that he sees. Which always makes me feel better.

It passes the time, and gives me some endorphins, resetting my mind which is so desperately needed at the time.

But when my son is sick I cannot do those things. I cannot reset my mind. Instead I am locked alone with my thoughts and my boredom, and his frustration, his disappointment and his sadness. And that is the hardest bit of all.

It hasn’t happened in a little while now, but early in this pregnancy my son was sick for a full four weeks. And other than going to work, I was locked inside these walls for the ENTIRE time #shootmenowsigh.

And at my worst point, I started to question everything. You know, like what kind of mother I am. Like who I am in general.

Of course it didn’t help that I was pregnant and hormonal, because every intense feeling was amplified.

But, this time, like every other time before that passed.

The sun shone again, my little human smiled again, and loved again and laughed again. Like he always does.

And since then our support network has grown around us and has shown us that we will have the strength to get through anything that this life throws at us. With their help of course.

In particular I have a group of amazing supportive friends around me who can always seem to pep me up when I so desperately need it (whether they actually realise I need it at the time or not). #mypokerfaceisthebestwhenitry

They give me pure friendship and love, and listen to whatever it is I need to say without any judgement EVER at all. Even if all I need is just to sit in silence, or to have a cry, they will sit with me, listen and will even sometimes cry with me if that’s what it takes.

But no matter what, they will always be there however I need.

Without those friends, without their beautiful, happy distraction and without their complete and unwavering support, I know that I would still be slumped in that lonely hole that I found myself in.

Because that old adage is true… You know, the one that says that “it takes a village to raise a child”. It really does, because there are some days when you JUST. CANNOT. MUM. And if you have those around you to help you out, either physically or mentally when you #canteven then you can make it through anything.

You may not be able to leave the house but the knowledge that you have people that you can call on or just cry to can get you through your toughest day. Finding people like that for yourself is so vitally important in this parenthood journey, and it will help so much in cutting through the loneliness and isolation of it all.

They are my sanctuary. My non-judging, happiness inducing, support network who I hope I will be friends with until we all get old, wrinkly, and saggy(er), when we can just hang out drinking wine in someones backyard, talking about the good ole’ days when our kids were babies and life was crazy.

So, thankyou to you all, my lovely friends and family. Some of you may not even know who you are, or how much you helped. But each and every one of you DID help me through so much. Even if it was just 10 minutes of helping me forget how crappy and trapped I was feeling.

You all got me through those hard bits of parenthood and showed me how strong I can be. So thanks again you amazing tribe of women who seem to love me unconditionally no matter what. You bunch of weirdo’s. I love you all right back xxx

If you are struggling with the isolation of parenthood yourself and are not sure where to turn, then please talk to your GP, or visit the PANDA website where you will find loads of helpful information on how you are feeling and what to do. You can also phone them on 1300 726 306

You may feel it now, but you are never alone xx