Pregnant Lady Alert! Pregnant Lady Alert! Tummy that has stretched beyond what is humanly possibly for 34 freaking weeks alert!

I say this every freaking time I know but 34 weeks? THIRTY FOUR FREAKING WEEKS? But…but that means that I have just 6 weeks to go? Its saaaaaaah crazy! Who made time speed up like this? Who took away the in-between? What is going on?

Yerp, 34 weeks already. We are REALLY getting towards the pointy end now and I would rub my hands together with glee, but I have…like… zero energy to do so. Actually that’s a lie. I possibly actually have negative energy. If someone was free I would consider asking them to slap my hands together for me in some semblance of a glee rub but I can’t even bother asking someone to come and do that.

Missed any updates? Read all about Weeks 1 to 6, 7 to 12, 13 to 18, 19 to 21, 22 to 24, 25 to 27, 28 to 30, and Weeks 31 to 33 here! xx

Its weird, the exhaustion has really set in and the heartburn is back. With a vengeance.

Although in fairness I have been working really long and intense days lately which hasn’t helped.But thats ok, because I go on MATERNITY LEAVE NEXT WEEK! And I am just about seeing my pants with joy.

Diary of a Pregnant Crazy Lady - Image (c) mummalifelovebaby.

Ok so that could be because I have a baby break dancing on my bladder for the majority of my day and night rather than actual wee inducing excitement but that doesn’t change the fact that I am really desperately looking forward not having to go into work and feel exhausted all day, flopping on the couch every night barely even able to cook dinner for my family. Cough – thanks goodness for my husbands mother and her leftovers – coughity cough cough.

I am feeling frequent Braxton Hicks now – gentle and completely pain-free ones, but frequent with a downward pressure all the same. And weirdly it makes me happy. Like she is really preparing me that she will be coming into the world soon enough.

Its Sunday night, and I have another midwife appointment tomorrow. I am really excited as I love hearing my little ladies heartbeat and talking about her with someone who is kinda forced to talk to me back about her. Even if its just to tell me where she is positioned inside my body, like I don’t already know of course from the way she constantly karate kicks me in the guts. But I love to know it all.

Diary of a Pregnant Crazy Lady - Image (c) mummalifelovebaby.

And I love to hear how strong she is or how things are moving along swimmingly. It makes me a feel like a puffed up proud mother hen every time. Tell me more, midwife lady, about how amazing I am at producing children. But please also make yourself available for babysitting at some point when my kids drive me crazy. Thanks. So yes, it is safe to say I was looking forward to my appointment the following morning.

I was sitting there on the couch minding my own uncomfortable baby filled business, when all of a sudden I had a few pretty intense Braxton Hicks contractions and the little lady really started moving around like she was shadow boxing a sheet whilst on speed. Not even good quality sheets. A flimsy cheap ass sheet that moths have attacked a little bit.

As my husband and I stared at my stomach in what was part awe and part horror, we watched her spin completely around, bringing her knees and elbows to the front of my body. And then all of a sudden I could feel smaller pointy lumps where previously I had only felt a little smooth baby butt underneath my skin.

So, in my appointment I asked the midwife to check. And she confirmed it. Our little lady is now posterior. Just like her brother. And although she is head down, she is just hanging about floating above my pelvis, not quite IN my pelvis. Just like her brother. Damn it. What a bunch of rat bags I seem to want to grow inside my body lol. I have been told I should get my pelvis checked to make sure it isn’t twisted as they may not have the room to get down into it low enough. She is going to need a stern talking to at some point, but I just don’t have the energy to even shake my finger in the direction of my own stomach. Sigh.

But on the bright side, I have 3 more days of work now until I go on maternity leave.

Three more days and that is it. Yesssssss! *insert fist pump here*.

I struggle my way up the stairs at work now. It’s even harder getting to the top especially while my lungs are still so squashed. Damn the person who tries to talk to me after I get to the top and even more damn them when they ask me questions whilst I am still struggling to breathe.

I don’t even recognise myself or the way I feel right now. Its like I have spent my life being a total couch potato. A delicious crispy roast potato. Oh sorry, I got distracted. I think I’m hungry. #someonebringthepregnantladyabowlofroastpotatosalready

Speaking of which, my almost stretch marks left over from baby number one have definitely turned into actual stretch marks now. And even still I am still not minding them. Yup, I am still totally digging on my own pregnant body like a creep. I am loving the way it is holding and nurturing my baby girl. Loving the way that it is tight like a tiger (lol). Even though it feels super heavy.

And yesterday for the first time in like…ever… some of the beautiful girls that I work with actually told me that I looked really good. And that pregnancy suited me. I almost had a baby in shock because I am so not used to hearing people say anything like that. My head virtually exploded in joy that FINALLY someone had told me something other than that I looked like a giant baby eating monster! It was nice to hear.

Then, after hearing some super lovely and kinda surprising words from my colleagues and management team on that last day, and also after receiving some really beautiful presents from them ta-boot, I am now officially at home.

Yesssss! I am 35 weeks now. Oh my holy kangaroo I am there already… What the fruit bowl?! 5 weeks to go.

I am super thrilled. Kinda terrified of course, but thrilled nonetheless.

I am totally overjoyed though that I can now spend some time concentrating on hanging out with my beautiful little man for a bit. I understand that I will want to toss him out of the window occasionally when he throws a ridiculously pointless tantrum. Which WILL happen. I am not delusional, it will happen at least once or twice a day I am sure until he is 15 years old. And maybe even after that. But it is super cool that we will get to spend some beautiful quality time together, just the two of us, before the little ladypants arrives.

Oh, and importantly (for me) I can also concentrate on getting this baby out of my body without much else other than the aforementioned tantrum throwing toddler to distract me. And even MORE excitingly, I will have some time (I bloody well hope) to get a massage or two, to go to a physio appointment (get this baby to come out please), and to get my hair coloured in the meantime. Because these grey roots of mine are terrifying the neighbourhood.

As much as me waddling around the block terrifies them. Potentially even more than that…

Diary of a Pregnant Crazy Lady - Image (c) mummalifelovebaby.

36 weeks now. Holy Piece of a Salmon. And I have one question.

What. Is. Happening. To. Meeeeeee?!!

For the last 3 days, I have felt like certain bits of my spine are slowly trying to rip other bits of my spine right out of my body. I possibly have damaged myself in some way. Holy Moly. And I am starting to suspect it’s from carrying my oversized toddler around (or any baby really whilst standing up) more than my body can probably take from the looks of things.

Because of this, I have started walking like a zombie who don’t actually have any knees. I sway from side to side and have started to make a lot of old people groans as I get up and down out of a seat.

And now if something falls on the floor, I can guarantee that it is staying there for ever and ever. Well either that, or I will mope about until my husband realises that what is on the floor is actually required for his life to continue in any semblance of happiness, thus propelling him to pick up whatever it is for me again. There’s a good husband.

Speaking of floors, I somehow managed to vacuum the floors today. I’d like to think that I am nesting, but I am pretty sure it was just because my dirty floors were starting to hurt my bare feet. I brainwashed my son into thinking that vacuuming is fun so made him have a go in the middle whilst I got a little energy back. Sucker. So at least now when I go into labour I wont get stitch worthy cuts from old cruskits ground into the floor lol.

But how long will this go on (I shout at the ceiling)??!! When will I go into labour???? When will this human arrive? When will she stop trying to kick her way out of my front, and instead turn her attention to my hoo-ha?

It’s almost time to get outta my body, my little Captain Becky. Get. The. Eff. Out. ASAP. Thanks.

Alright, we are getting down to the business end of the pregnancy. Did you have any tips or tricks that helped bring on labour? Leave me a comment below so I can get to evicting this baby right outta my body! xxx