I must preface this instalment by mentioning that we have recently experienced a death in the family. A very unexpected death, and it has left our whole family shattered and stunned.

It is not remotely my story to tell, so I will say no more on the subject, however I do want you to know that as I write these words, my heart is breaking over and over. And because of this, this piece will not be as joyous as my usual posts and for that I am sorry.

I hope you can forgive me… xox

Missed a previous post about this crazy pregnant life? Then read all about Weeks One to Six, Seven to Twelve, Thirteen to Eighteen, Nineteen to Twenty-One, Twenty-Two to Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five to Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight to Thirty, Thirty-One to Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four to Thirty-Six here!  

I am 37 weeks pregnant now. And I clicked over to 37 weeks during one of the most traumatic weeks of my life.

I’m not sure how my body feels actually. I feel so disconnected right now, and I actually  had to sit down and really think about it tonight. It’s funny because I have been so in tune with myself until this point…

The Captain has slowed down her movements in my body a little bit. I am not sure if it is stress pushing her downwards in my body or if it was always going to be this way but I have the feeling like the baby will come earlier than her due date.

Which would be nice.

But I am kind of having mixed emotions about it now. I can’t wait to meet her, but at the same time I worry that it will in some way bring pain to others around me too, and I have kind of been struggling with that.

But that’s another kettle of fish, and something that I will need to work through in my own time I guess.

As this week has gone on I have become nervous about the lessening of movement, and ended up going in to the hospital for monitoring, just to check if she is ok. I couldn’t live with myself if I had thought something was wrong and hadn’t done anything about…

But, thankfully after about an hour of monitoring which saw her completely sleeping on the job, followed by ten solid minutes of her moving around enough to make me look completely like a fool, I was sent home but in utter relief knowing that she was ok. Thank goodness of course.

I can breathe a little easier now because of it.

And now I have been catapulted into week 38.

Captain Becky tends to move down quite low in my body in the evenings and seems to be head butting the exit route more now than before. But she annoyingly pops back up again overnight, like all the head butting the day before meant absolutely nothing… until gravity tries to take hold and help out once more.

I am experiencing Braxton Hicks fairly regularly now, and actually have for a while, even though I know they aren’t actual labour pains yet. They mostly occur after lunch, amp up in the afternoon and increase even further in the evening.

They have grown in intensity and although they still aren’t “painful”, they do make me need to sit down and do some slow deep breathing for a little while till it calms down.
I never had that with my son. And as a lovely side note to go with it, by the end of the day and after numerous Braxton Hicks my hoo ha seems to start to feel a little swollen. Interesting that. I never had that with my son either. Not even after 4 million hours of uneventful labour.

At my 37 week midwife appointment at the hospital last week, they mentioned that my iron levels from my previous blood test were very low. So low in fact that they were almost non-existent. And that explains why I had been so feeling so unbelievably exhausted. So drained. So depleted. So barely human. They recommended that I start taking an iron supplement for it immediately which I started a few days later.

And even though I am feeling a little bit better this week, I am still incredibly worn out. My body protests in exhaustion every time I walk up the stairs or even quite frankly, when I walk the teeny tiny distance from the couch to the kitchen.

Only a few more weeks of this feeling I suppose, until a different type of exhaustion sets in.
One that’s more to do with waking to feed a newborn around the clock than growing that same mini human in my insides…

At my midwife appointment yesterday they advised that Captain Becky is still floating above my pelvic bowl and not quite engaging in it yet. Just like her brother did. That’s frustrating. Get into my pelvis please tiny human.

The midwife decided to book me in with a doctor at my 39 week appointment next week where I may undergo a potential “stretch and sweep” and to discuss booking me in for a c-section around 42 weeks if the little lady hasn’t made her appearance before then.

She also instructed me on what to do if my waters break. Because The Captain is still floating high then I will need to feel for the cord myself, which was described as a slimy tube. And if I can feel the cord then I also need to feel for the babies head. And if I CAN feel the head then I need to push her back up inside, keep that pressure on and get to the hospital toot-suite.

This is all because of her current floaty position, which means that there is a higher risk of the cord coming out first which is not what we want.

I know it’s their obligation and duty of care to give me this info but I really am hoping to avoid any of this, and instead have a happy, natural and relatively short (not too short though) labour. So I kind of don’t want to listen even though I know I have to.

So, when will this little lady arrive in the world? And will I get the labour I so desperately hope for? I just don’t know. It’s the million dollar question isn’t it?

But in the meantime I am going to have loads of lavender baths, spend loads of time standing up and walking around, or just hanging out on all fours, hoping like hell that gravity will do its thing and help me out.

Because I need to see this little lady.

To hold her and love her, to protect her and to make sure she is ok. And to stop this damn countdown, this wondering, this waiting. For my newest little love. xxx

Are you pregnant now? Have you started to try to bring on labour? How have you gone about it? Leave me a comment below as I will try just about anything right now. x