I know that you all already know this (because I wont stop talking about it), but I am about to go from being a mother of one child to a mother of two in this glorious game of parenthood.
I am so close to doing so, that I am actually due today. Like, literally TODAY. And you know what crossed my mind last night? The thought flicked in and out again, but it was there… The thought that I have absolutely no idea how I will manage as a parent of two kids.
I mean, how do parental humans usually juggle this two kids under three gig??
And what exactly will this involve?
I mean, is it going to involve loads of sitting and staring at two kids and waving my arms about like a windmill trying to prevent them from whacking each other over the head with a train set? Will I have to go through packets of toothpicks to prop my own eyes open for the first year or two just to stay alert and awake?
Or will it involve me chasing two tiny yet endlessly energetic humans around the house, up to my elbows in wee and vomit, whilst trying to pry out an Octonaut or an assorted piece of lego from the soles of my feet, to stop it from being permanently embedded there?
OR will it involve an intravenous wine drip in the evenings, and a continuous game of hide and seek with both kidlets, where I am permanently hiding in the cupboard stress eating chocolate to get through till daddy gets home at 5pm?
Hmmmm…I suspect a little from column A, a little from column B and a heck-of-a-lottle from column C.
But that thought… the “how” of it all, keeps crawling back into my head.
Because at the moment as a mother of one, I can give my little man every inch of my time. We have beautiful cuddle in the mornings, then we make breakfast together. After that we run around the house together pretending to be different characters from the movie “Cars”, and read books together. Well I read him book after book whilst he pretends to ignore my constant yawning, because…you know, always exhausted and all that, sigh.
Then we sometimes bake things (when I feel the need to stress eat), we draw (which involves me trying to prevent my man from scribbling on the wall), we play with playdoh (where the OCD version of myself tries to ignore the fact that he only wants to smoosh all of the colours together…shudder). And after all of that is over, I toss the wee man into bed for the afternoon and heave a sigh of relief at having some time to get stuff done. Like eat chocolate and do a load of washing.
Which is exactly what I am doing right now. Sigh. Well, that and typing out this mess that constitutes my current thoughts of course. #suchamultitasker
But I really do wonder … we do all of those things nowwwww, so… how wilI another person fit in here?
When we have family cuddles on the couch in the mornings, will I be able to cuddle both kids at the same time? You know, a giant 18 kg wriggly toddler on one side and what will most likely be a 3.5 kg of uncooperative spaghetti-like baby on the other.
Actually, I sure hope so, because I already know that I love them both so much and don’t want either of them to miss out.
I know this is a weird thing to be thinking about now. I mean, I have wanted three kids for ages (yerp, there will still hopefully be one mini human to be created and pushed out of my hoo-ha after this). Well, to be completely honest I wanted four but my husband only wanted two so we settled (sort of) at three… But now that I am LITERALLY on the cusp of about to have two kidlets, I just worry that I wont be a good enough mumma for them. Eeeeeek.
Bloody hell, this busy over-thinky brain of mine. Sigh.
Well (throws hands up in the air), I guess I have at least 24 hours (or so) to figure this out. And to come up with a motherhood plan. Not that THOSE plans ever works out the way we expect either. Double Sigh.
In my heart of hearts I know that we have the ability to raise another teeny tiny floppy human to be as happy and as loved as our first one.
But, on the flip side, I do really worry about my first born, my little man, my number one. I worry that I will leave him out whilst our little lady needs me, because we all know how dependant a little baby is on their parents for the first good feels-like-forever-chunk of their life. I worry that I won’t have the time for him like what I can give him now, and that our relationship which is currently exhaustingly beautiful will change because of it.
I want him, as well as my beautiful little girl, to always know and feel that I love them equally and will do anything in my power to protect them and take care of them and be there for them always. I need to find a way to involve each one of them just as much as the other one. I need to make sure that I spend time alone with each one making them feel as special as they are.
But I guess that all I can do is my best. I will probably stuff up 6 million times coz…well…that’s parenthood, and it’s just a given of course, but in the end my “best” is all I really can TRY to do.
Well I will probably also continue the stress eating in the cupboard bit. Coz I am really, REALLY good at that.
So, please wish me luck with it all.
And, as a final note… hurry up and get out of my body Captain Becky already x
What were you worried about before you moved from a family of 3 to 4? Is there some advice that you would give for a mumma bear about to go through it all? Leave a comment below and tell me all about it! xx