Oh Em Gee. Babies, huh?!

God DAMN they are gorgeous and hilarious.

Yes they are, but they can also be the craziest of time stealers.

And when I say that babies are time stealers, I mean that they LITERALLY MAKE TIME DISAPPEAR for their parents without anyone ever noticing!

I am not even kidding. I swear to god, I am so busy with the baby every day (and the toddler for that matter), that I get up in the morning, think about the long day ahead, FUCKING blink and all of a sudden it’s bed time.AND FOR THE FREAKING LIFE OF MY I HAVE GOTTEN NOTHING DONE ALL DAY. Although…hooray for bedtime! Woo!

Let me explain this phenomenon further.

I’ll start by looking at what my baby does all day, because I suspect this may have something to do with it. Why time disappears.

So, my sweet babe never really LOOKS like she is doing anything (by adulty doing-things standards). She looks like a lazy layabout, but I promise you, she isn’t. Nope. That wiggly little giggling spew machine of a baby is always working overtime. She is BIZZAY. Just looking for ways to make time disappear for me #SometimesIBloodyNeedALayDownJustThinkingAboutEverythingABabyDoes.

Her daily to do list is bloody endless.

And I am basically watching her work through it. E’rry damn day. Much to do.


For example, at ANY GIVEN FREAKING hour of the day, you could find my little lady mastering a million different skills, whilst both pooping and demanding food. And demanding said food LOUDLY.

Bloody amazing, right? I mean, who can multi task that hard and demand quite so much, besides a freaking baby?


Oh that’s right, the baby’s mother. But that isn’t the point.

The point is, that babies are just always SO busy.


Yep, my sweet little time stealer spends her days looking busy as a bee, kicking her legs about wildly, like she has a million different places she wants to go. Fark me, and her favourite time to do that is when I am trying to dress her. It’s…kind of like… trying to squeeze a wild cheetah into a skin-tight pair of leather pants, while a zebra just wanders lazily on by. Bloody hard, not much fun and usually ends in tears. Mine. But boy she looks amazing with them on right?

So, right there. That’s at least half an hour of time. Gone. Wasted by wrestling clothes on a tiny wriggly and amazingly dressed-in-the-end human.


She is also incredibly busy whacking me in the face while she is getting burped during a feed (#AnnoyinglyTrueStoryHappensAllTheDamnTime). However in saying that, today I realised that she is starting to get a little more control over her body because she managed to hold my face still with one hand, whilst the other continued to wildly slap me. That’s a step up from the double slapping I usually have to dodge, I must say. #WinningAtLifeSobSobSob


Another half an hour gone, dodging baby slaps. Just gone.

And when she takes a break from her mumma slapping session, she is busy trying to grab the patterns off the couch with her little baby hands or off the wall behind me depending on where I am sitting. And I don’t have the heart to tell her that these things JUST WONT EVER COME OFF! #YouCantEvenPickUpSpaghettiYetHowAreYouGoingToTakeTheSpotOffYourBedroomWall


Hours gone. And for what?!! Baby-acting-crazy-ness, that’s what!

But my friend, that is only the beginning.

My little girl babe also loves to spend her time awake rolling around the loungeroom. However, more often than not, her arm gets stuck somewhere around her bellybutton, which causes a howl of such intense tiny bodied rage because she can’t roll back (though she actually can, I swear the girl is so lazy sometimes…sigh…).

She also spends time grabbing toys, throwing toys or licking toys. Or the dog. She loves to lick him too. And since he loves to lick her back then I guess the feeling is mutual. #SoGrossWhenYouRememberHeEatsHisOwnPoop


And that’s another hour. Just gone. WTF.

My little sweet girl has also mastered the incredible and ancient art form known only to other masters as  “The Worm”, worming her way backwards across the floor, always ending up about two meters away from her intended destination. In the opposite direction. *Cue ensuing red-faced cute baby rage howl again here*.

All of that “worming” around sometimes then causes her to spew on the floor. Sometimes exorcist style. Ninety percent of which ends up on me before making its slippery way onto the tiles at my feet. It then turns into a race against time to see if I can manage to clean it up before the dog eats it.

Boom. Another hour gone. Right there. Watching her. Cleaning up. Yelling at the dog for being so gross.


See? Time wasters.

But… Babies waste time for US, the parents, not for anyone else. And the reason is simple.

It’s because everything a baby learns, everything they discover, every movement they make, comes from a place of joy. And sometimes hilarity. Babies show joy so perfectly. And it is beautiful to watch.

They shoot sunbeams of happiness out of every single part of their body, the warmth of which draws you in. They smile at you whenever you lock eyes with them, and they squeal with delight whenever you smile or talk or sing to them.

And that’s bloody addictive. Those damn joy inducing, time stealing munchkins.

And so some days I find myself just staring at her like a creep (though I swear non-creepily), not even noticing the hours tick by.

I am too busy staring at that beautiful face, feeling the pure happiness in that smile that is directed solely at me. I sit full to the brim in awe and love, as that sweet little hand reaches up and cups my cheek, happy in the knowledge that there is just SO much love here. Delighting in the fact that she is safe and happy, and full of joy. And ours.

It is SUCH a wonderful way to waste time.

Except then she spews on me again. And the toddler throws a tantrum. Which leads to me then spending the rest of the afternoon clock watching until the husband gets home so I can set fire to all of the clothing I have ever owned just to get rid of the spew smell.

But hey. Babies. Toddlers. Gotta love them.

And I do. And I cant wait to have another one. WTF is wrong with me. Lol. x


Do you find that your baby is a time stealer too? What do they do that you just cant get enough of? Leave a comment below as I would love to hear about your little one too! xx