Do you ever have those days where parenting is just too hard? Or when you want to stay in bed, in your pyjama’s (or out of them… wink wink nudge n-nope who am I kidding I’m way too tired for that lol), and just brain fade away into zombie-rest-ville watching Netflix on the couch?
Yes? Oh good, me too. Like, every-single-day-me-too.
Since becoming a mother I have become incredibly resentful for mornings, for that very reason. Because I want to do absolutely nothing except sleep WAY more than I want to adult, and no-one will bloody well let me.
I mean, sometimes The Hairy Husband will pretend to let me. On those days he will take the kids into the shower under the guise of letting me “sleep in”. And he will then get them dressed and proceed to take them downstairs to feed them breakfast. Mind you, they scream the whole time, stomp around and throw things. It sounds like a herd of elephants are having toast and stomping around underneath me.
So whilst I appreciate the sentiment of sleeping in, no sleeping in can actually be had. Sigh.
And people wonder why I am so tired all the time.
Well… no other mother wonders why I am tired. They get it. They just know.
We nod at each other when we pass each other in the street because we recognise fellow humans who are as brain numbingly exhausted as we are. Yep, we KNOW how hard parenting can be, because we are elbows deep in it together.
And as the day go on it gets harder. The husband goes and does adulty things. Like help his own parents with something that will benefit all of us in the long run… a.k.a cleaning the pool. Or like mowing the jungle that is our lawn and spending a day cleaning up the garden just so we don’t lose a child in the wilderness.
So I go at it alone. Gawd help us all. I’m so tired.
I get some books out. I WANT to read the kids books. In fact I want to read them all the damn time. But the more I read to them, the more relaxed I get. The more slurred I get. The more dribble I create that just slides on out of my mouth. And the more my eyes try to close on their own accord.
Gawd I fantasise of being asleep way too much. Snore.
And then when I am at the point that I can cope no longer and that my eyes are literally sliding shut the kids decide they want nothing more than to get up and run around. “IT’S PLAY TIIIIIME! WOOOOO! LETS GO WIIIIIIILD”.
Yes, the little sleep stealers have realised just how close to (finally) falling asleep I am. And they are clever enough to realise they CANNOT have that (because who in their right mind would wipe their bums or open their yoghurts if I am asleep?!). So, now they are intensely focused on getting me to go wild and run around WITH them. And aint nobody got the energy for that at this hour of the morning (cough… it’s 11am).
Uuuuummmmm. “You get a head start and I will follow you” I mumble in their direction as they run away from me. I try mightily to heave myself out of the bean bag that doesn’t seem to want to let me go but I am totally unsuccessful because both of my legs have fallen asleep themselves, the traitors. So I start throwing random things into the hallway hoping that the noise of movement will fool the kids into thinking that I am on my way when I am in actual fact, not.
Sigh. Oh it can be so hard to parent on those days.
I mean, I really want to play with the kids. I really really really do. In fact I am almost desperate to paint and draw and sing and play soccer until I fall down (more) exhausted. But today that level of parenting it is NOT happening. Today the small amount of energy I have extends to pointing at things that they can eat without getting shit everywhere, and also to throwing in the occasional “Yay! Good job!” at something that the kids have done that they insisted I watch over and over and OVER again.
When it comes to lunch time on those days, I put chicken nuggets in the oven. Because I just canNOT deal with listening to the kids cry over being forced to a vegemite and cheese sandwich or some bits of bloody cucumber and cheese. Sigh.
“Don’t make me eat it Mummy, its DISGUSTING! Please Mummy, no!”. Nope. I cant take that on a day like today.
And so I have learned over the years, that on those days when I am already exhausted from parenting and pretending with every ounce of me not to be, I do what I need to do to get through the day. Whatever that may be. I turn the TV on and let the kids have free reign with the remote. I lay down on the floor and let them climb all over me until I can feel my intestines trying to escape through my nose from their sheer weight of their little bodies. And I force them to sit still and just cuddle me for a while so I can rest my head on their shoulder and shut my eyes. Just for a little bit.
On those days no washing gets done. No sweeping or mopping. Nothing. I don’t do anything except look for different ways to lay down and shut my eyes. I just do what I can do to get through.
And then bedtime comes around. I am both super thrilled that it’s time for sleeping, and am also super annoyed that after a big day of pretending that I am NOT asleep with my eyes open, all of a sudden I am wide awake and no longer desperate for sleeping.
But, we parents are not super humans. We are not full of energy and are not as ready to “race” through parenting as we once were. We get tired. We get grumpy. We have days where even lifting our arm to turn the TV on feels like too much. And though I will give myself 100% to my kids as often as I can, and will love and play with them as much as I am able, when I can’t I just can’t. I am a kick ass mum. And I wont beat myself up about needing an uninterrupted snooze now and then.
Do you have days like this? When you are so exhausted that you find parenting hard? Leave a comment below and tell me all about your experiences! xx