Becoming a new mum is one of the most wonderful and yet most challenging times of a women’s life.
The excitement. The joy. The new baby smell. Actually no, scrap that. Sometimes babies don’t smell that great… Let’s be honest, I mean they essentially smell like stale cheese for a couple of weeks, at least until they start opening their stinky baby hands once in a while to air them out. #Truth

But aside from that, whether it’s your first baby, your second, third or hundredth (shudders), seeing your tiny baby’s sweet snore-y face is so precious. They are so tiny. So fragile. So squishy. So perfect. Sigh.

The visitors are continuous in the early days, spoiling the baby, holding them, smothering them with kisses whilst we watch on proudly, slightly stunned that we produced something human and that we have managed to keep it alive so far.

Yes, life is pretty amazing in those early days.

However, after a while, the visitor’s stop and the husband makes his way back to work.
And then?! Well, we new mums are left alone with our new babies to try and figure out what the heck to do with them, or trying to remember how we got through the first time around. #WhyCantItSpeakEnglishStraightAwayOrWipeItsOwnBumAmIRight?

It’s a hard gig, the not knowing what to do with a tiny demanding yell-y person.

So because of that, I have created a guide for those of you who ARE a new Mum, who KNOW a new mum, or for those of you who actually want to make a difference in whether a brand new spanking Mumma loses her sleep-deprived mind or not. Thanks in advance, friends.

1. Take “The Baby” puh-lease! 

Please take the baby for a bit of a cuddle… In fact, if you could possibly hold the baby for your whole visit, that would be great, kay? Because as much we love our little acrobats physically hanging off our bodies like we are dirty old chandeliers for 16 or so hours a day (cough, and often throughout the night too), sometimes we just need to remember what personal space feels like. #DontTouchMe. #KeepDreaming

2. Bring Some Dinner With You. Ta and Thanks

We new mums are hungry, and probably haven’t eaten since before the baby was born. Actually, we may have tried cooking something at some point, but to be honest we are so tired from keeping a tiny human alive that we can’t really remember. #WhatDayIsItAnywayWhoCares

So if you could please bring us some food, then we will love you forever.

3. Grab the vacuum please, we dropped at least half a biscuit on the floor last week and we are too sore (and possibly can’t be bothered) to pick it up.

Oh my gosh, COULD YOU??!! I mean, there is a good bloody chance that we have recently either a) been actually cut in half or b) ripped from front to back to get this tiny ball of love outta our bodies, so vacuuming whilst trying to prevent our insides from falling out doesn’t sound like something we feel we can deal with right now.

4. Don’t answer us with “whatever YOU think” when we ask you a question.

This one is for the Husbands out there. A new mum just can’t “decision” right now. We don’t know who we are, where we are, what day it is, or even if we are wearing pants. #CanYouPleaseCheck

5. Talk to us, adult human!

Be prepared for loads of conversation if you go and visit a new mum with a fresh tiny human. Slurred conversation, but conversation all the same. Because babies don’t speak a WHIT of English, and young kids only talk about their butts, so we are DESPERATE to talk to an adult human. About THINGS. We don’t even care what the conversation is about. Just not about your butts, please. We can get that from our four-year-old.

6. Give us a day off. Somehow. 

No-one is paying us for this gig, but we need some annual leave now and then. Because we are #pooped and dream of feeling like human-y humans again.

7. Give us a sleep-in to “catch-up” once in a while. 

A new mum needs a sleep-in once in a while or we turn into angry monsters. True Story. Personally, my kids can verify that right now.

It will refresh us, and stop the bags under our eyes from growing SO large that we could fit the weekly shopping in there with room to spare. #AtLeastOurBagsAreRecyclable

8. Tell us we look nice, and that you love us, even when we are at our worst. 

We have been through something incredibly huge. Yes, our bodies, and a lot of the time our minds as well, have just been through a major trauma that we may be finding hard to come to terms with. We may now be struggling with the way we look, the way we move, or what has just happened to us. We may be in pain, and our tummies might still be bloated. We may be exhausted and we may feel really crappy and depleted when we look in the mirror. In fact, we may now struggle to look in the mirror.

So please just tell us how much you love us and how beautiful you still think we are. We need to hear it.

9. Listen to us. 

Let us cry big fat ugly tears (Kim Kardashian style) and let us tell you about how hard our day was without judgment. Yes, we have been at home with one or more kids all day long, but that can be quite fucking hard, Janet. Don’t make us feel like we can’t cope just because we had the most shitful day ever TODAY. Yes, it was such a shit day, and yes tomorrow probably will be better. But please just hold space for me to feel shit, with you, the person that we love because we need to talk to someone who understands. Who gets us. And who can tell us everything will all be ok again soon.

 

Is there anything that you wish was done to help you as a new Mumma? Leave a comment below and tell me all about it! xxx