People say the darndest things when you are pregnant.

As soon as you announce your joyous news (that there is a small bundle of human that looks a wee bit like a tadpole flapping about in your insides), people around you suddenly morph into clairvoyants and mind readers (clever bastards) with no filter. 

They bravely take their life into their own hands, and provide highly ridiculous commentary on what I, as a pregnant lady should or shouldn’t do without considering how it might affect said hormonally charged and therefore totally deranged pregnant lady.

Hang on, my eye is twitching … Like I said… deranged.

How I feel at the end of most days. Image © Sumners Graphics via Canva.com

These lovely people delighted in providing sometimes amusing, and yet mostly accidentally insulting comments, and they flung them my way over the entire course of my pregnancy. Although I would laugh at the time it was said, I would later boil over it, going home to inspect myself to see if the comment was truthful or ridiculous.

Right or wrong, in my highly sensitive “delicate” state, most of the time I saw hurtful truth.

Therefore, I thought it would be beneficial to all – man, woman and future kidlet – to record some of my all time favourite jerky jerk comments to give you an idea of what NOT to say to a pregnant lady. At any time. Ever. Nope.

#1. Labour is the most horrific thing you will ever do.

Yes thank you kind stranger and many many friends, coz I am NOT already dreading squeezing a little human out of my body. Oh hang on, yes I am.

#2.You’re pregnant? Well, you’re never gonna sleep again.

So many people felt the need to say this to me over the course of my pregnancy, however I am already pregnant people! It is far too late to try to scare me into not having kids! And as a side note, I hadn’t slept since the day those cells split inside my womb anyway. I wake up 10,000 times a night to pee so a full nights sleep was already a distant memory before they decided to grace me with their words.

#3. Good one fatty! 

Please don’t use the word fat to describe me. I am growing a human. I think I look awesome and you have just made me question everything about how I look with this ever-changing body.

#4. Geez your big…ooooh, that top is a bit tight.

Stop. Just….. stop. I will continue to wear tight clothing coz I love my pregnant body and love my shape. I am proud to be pregnant. I love the way my body hugs, carries and nurture’s my baby inside me. I am amazing. don’t make me feel less than the miracle maker I am.

#5. Are you sure you are not having twins?

I am positive (you big jerk) that I am not. I am the perfect size for my perfect baby, but thank you for hinting that I am fat. Someone please get me a donut or some cheese coz my feelings are hurt and I need to comfort eat right now to make myself feel better. Actually, please get me both. Right now. I’m hormonal.

#6. No really, are you sure you aren’t having twins?

I already told you no. I hate you. Sob Sob Sniffle. I need another donut.

#7. (Said to my husband jokingly) Hey mate you need to keep her away from the McDonald’s…

This was said to my husband by a stranger in the street. A STRANGER!
I know he meant it in a funny way but it actually annoyed the baby out of me. Not cool stranger. Not cool. Unless you are bringing me a burger and then, ok it could be cool.

#8. Turn around so I can see you from the back. Gee, you have put on weight.

This was said to a pregnant friend of mine. What the hell? We are pregnant people! We unfortunately can’t stay like the skinny minnies we were previously whilst we are growing humans inside us so give us a break! P.s. Dear pregnant friend of mine, your butt is fantastic full of baby or not, you stunning mumma you.

#9. Hurry up fatso! Waddle quicker

…If I move any quicker I will wee on the floor. Do you want that? Do you?!…

#10. Oh my god, look at you. Haven’t you exploded in the last month?

Oh Christ, maybe I just shouldn’t leave the house at all.

So…What lessons can we learn from this? 

Don’t comment on a pregnant woman’s looks in any way. Just don’t. Never make us doubt ourselves, what we have achieved, or where we are going. If we are slow, don’t tell us to hurry up and rush us through our experiences. Time is fleeting and we may never get to feel this or be this again.

Instead, comment on how amazing we are, how lucky we are, how beautiful and strong we are as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters & friends.

Excuse the grain. Technology sucked in my household 2 years ago. :-/ © mummalifelovebaby

Comment on how our lives are about to be enriched beyond belief, and how we are about to experience love more deeply and completely than we could have ever imagined to the point that the stretch marks and sleepless nights wont matter.

This is the most exciting time of our lives. It is the start of something amazing. Don’t ruin it. Celebrate it. With us.

 

 

What crazy things did people say to you when you were pregnant? Leave a comment below!

By the way… Studies from the University of mummalifelovebaby (MLLBU) show that people who subscribe to the mummalifelovebaby website are more hilarious and attractive than most other people. Since you don’t want to be either weird-looking or as boring as a blade of grass, then you had better sign up now!  

And if you DO sign up now (seriously, do it), then you will receive my free mini ebook – “3 amazing things that you MUST do with chocolate”. YOU LUCKY THING! I mean, HELLO! Chocolate!

xxxxx