Oh dear god. We have fleas.

Yep, we’ve got a case of the dirty stinking flippity flappy fleas. Well, to be more specific – the poor dog is the one with the flea problem (and also quite possibly the carpet), but WE have to live with him living with fleas, and that’s tough enough. In fact, it is downright gross… Ugh, so gross.

Fleas. What the hell. via GIPHY

And we can only blame one thing for the fleas. Our. Freaking. Rental. Home. Ew.

Sigh…Renting… *Shakes fist at the sky in a fit of rage*… Why can’t we find our forever house already??!

Rentals (even the clean ones) are completely and utterly… well…icky. But even so, they are our reality right now, because people just aren’t selling their houses. Well, that’s a downright lie because some people are selling but the ones that are being sold are awful. So we don’t want to buy those ones, naturally. And the ones we DO want to buy are the ones that everyone ELSE also wants to buy so of course they cost stupidly ridiculous amounts of money…

What you have to do to buy a nice house in this town – via GIPHY

And that, my friends, is why we are in this flea ridden situation right now.

And although yes this rental is shelter, and yes its warm and comfortable… it just doesn’t feel like home. Nope, sir it does not. We are in someone else’s home, annoyingly paying off someone else flea bag mortgage. And it’s not the kind of house that I ever thought we would live in.

I mean, its old and dark for starters. There is a random and suspiciously shaped hole in one of the lounge room windows (it’s perfectly round and small)…cough cough, am I going to die here cough cough… And there is the occasional hole in the wall from over zealous door openings from the past.

But the worst thing of all (besides the fleas of course) is the fact that we only have ONE toilet!! Yes, you heard me- ONE TOILET!! Who the freaking hell can freaking survive with one freaking toilet in this day and age??!!! I mean, dear god – WHAT IF WE ALL NEED TO POOP AT THE SAME TIME? WHAT IF WE ALL GOT FOOD POISONING? WHO HAS TO GO IN THERE SECOND??!!!? #horror #notachanceinhell

It wont be me. No way. – via GIPHY

However you know what??! I could live with all of that. I could.

But the fleas? No way man, the flea’s are a deal breaker. What a disaster.

When I first saw one I didn’t really know it was a flea, because in the 9 years that our dog has been around, we had not had the “pleasure” of seeing one. Like ever. Was it luck? Possibly… Or could it have been purely a lack of grass and neighbourhood animals to spread their stinking dirty fleas around? More likely…

But I had to face that it was a dirty stinking flea when our dog started acting strange.

What a weirdo – via GIPHY

For those of you who know him, he has always been a fairly excitable dog. But he started bouncing around more than normal whilst doing this really weird stretchy leg thing that looked like he was trying to check out his own doggie butt. Poor doggie. Because in hindsight he was obviously getting repeatedly bitten and was being driven slowly mad by those same bites.

But at the time I just thought he was being a total weirdo.

And yet then occasionally I noticed a little black bug flapping about.

It was disgusting. And I was itchy.

Fleas, Fleas, FLEAS! EW! via GIPHY

I don’t know why but I kept imagining that something was biting me too. It could have been a little psychosomatic, but I was really sure even when I couldn’t see anything that something was there biting, biting, biting. Having its lunch on my bum cheek.

Oh god. Even thinking about it now, I want to itch.

Now my dog being the precious inside dog that he is, really wasn’t coping well. He was getting more and more depressed as the days went on, more bum wiggly and more “stanky” legged without proper medical relief.

This is what the dog was really doing minus the joy. And minus the guitarist. via GIPHY

So with my dog dancing about like he had a dislocated hip, with my own itchy bum cheeks, and with the final straw of seeing a little black bug leap directly onto my sons little baby head, I realised that I had had enough. I raged about the local pet store with flea murder on my mind, and purchased every single bug killing device that I could get my stinking hands on.

I sent my son to my in-laws house, my husband off to work, and flea bombed every single surface I could see (and not see). And I went shopping whilst the flea bomb did its murderous work.

My face when I set those flea bombs off – via GIPHY

I cackled with glee whilst those little disgusting critters died (or most likely moved outside ready to attack us again soon) and am glad to say we have been flea free ever since.

Well, fingers crossed anyway.

Although..hang on… all of a sudden my ankle is itchy… Uh oh. Here we go again…

Have you moved into a house that was … well… a little bit gross and surprising?? 

Tell me all about it in the comment box below! xxx

By the way… Studies from the University of mummalifelovebaby (MLLBU) show that people who subscribe to the mummalifelovebaby website are more hilarious and attractive than most other people. Since you don’t want to be either weird-looking or as boring as a blade of grass, then you had better sign up now!  

And if you DO sign up now (seriously, do it), then you will receive my free mini ebook – “3 amazing things that you MUST do with chocolate”. YOU LUCKY THING! I mean, HELLO! Chocolate!

xxxxx