Recently I had “one of those days”. Or more so, “one of those weeks”. Actually now that I think about it, it actually occurred smack bang in the middle of “one of those months”.
One of those months where I walked through each day questioning why I am here.
Why Am I Here? What the hell is it all for?? How can I grab hold of my own happiness and live it?
Sigh. I bloody wish I knew the answers, but at that time I was really just going through the motions of life feeling…well…lost. And the more that I pondered those questions, the louder they got and the more confused and lost I felt.
I was walking around in a perpetual state of anxiety, and a little bit of nausea. In fact you can read my blog post from the time right here.
Now, I had recently taken on a life coach to help me work out my own path, and a couple of sessions in she asked me “So, what do you want out of your life? And what do you hope to get out of our sessions?”.
And you know what? I couldn’t answer her. I stuttered and stumbled when trying to answer what are actually really simple questions and my words just fell away to nothing. My mind went blank, and I had absolutely nothing to tell her. Why am I here? What do I want? What is it that is driving me every day?
What do I want in this life???
I didn’t know.
I mean, I knew that I was sick to death of doing the same damn thing every day . And I felt, like I suspect most other people feel from time to time, like there had to be something more to this life than what I was doing with it at that time. There had to be SO much more, right?? I knew that, and knew that I was chasing that elusive “something more”.
But when she asked what I wanted, I just didn’t know the answer, and was shocked at my own response.
How can a person not know what they want out of life?
Now, all of my life I have been good at many things, but never EVER have I been GREAT at anything. And for a long time, I thought (with complete devastation) that not being great at one particular thing meant that maybe I was actually useless at everything.
I desperately wanted to excel in something but I had no idea where to start. And I was too scared to really sit down and have a long hard think about it. Which is kinda ridiculous. I was scared of failing and I was even more scared to dare think about succeeding.
And then I gave myself permission to really think about it. About what I wanted in my life. I mean, why shouldn’t I search and find that “something more” in my life? Why shouldn’t I strive for the something more that will give me happiness and immense satisfaction every day?
Image © mummalifelovebaby
So, I sat down and wrote a list of everything that I had ever considered doing, however briefly and however silly or ridiculous. A kind of career path bucket list if you will. These things are for me. So I can look back at my time on this earth and be proud in the knowledge that yep, I gave it all a go.
And I have also come to the realisation that I just can’t lose in the end. Nope, I can’t fail when I give things a go! Even if I don’t “succeed” at any particular thing , I certainly will NOT have failed. I will have grown and learnt and moved forward and lived my life doing things for me that make me happy!
So here is my list of things that I want to do to find my own happiness again…
My Happiness Bucket List – Image (c) mummalifelovebaby
My Happiness Bucket List
- I want to think of three things every day that have made me happy and grateful to be living my own special and crazy life.
- I want to learn how to use my camera for good instead of evil. I actually just want to use it in a non-crap way. **I have already started this one. I just need to finish it…
- More importantly, I would like my darling HUSBAND to learn how to use my camera for good instead of evil so he can take the occasional picture with me in it. That would be nice…So my son occasionally sees that he actually had a mother when he looks back on pictures of his childhood.
- I want to do more things for myself every week. You know like exercise more. Meditate more. Yoga more. Read more. Dance more. Sing more in the shower… I don’t do those things nearly enough these days.
- I want to grab my family and drag them into the great outdoors and see grass and tree’s and water and artwork and animals and sunshine more. Too often we are stuck indoors doing nothing, and that’s not the healthy and happy life that we all need and deserve!
- I want to take an online interior design short course. I want to know how to make my home environment more beautiful and inspiring, and a pleasurable space to be in.
- I want to cook more nutritious and delicious meals that everyone actually enjoys. Sigh. It will be a battle I know. But I want to be proud of the food I am putting in my body. In fact, I want to take an online nutrition course so I can truly learn about the medicinal nature of food.
- I want to write creatively more. Maybe an e-course. Maybe a book. Either way I want to write it. And either way, I want “it” to be something that will make people smile and put joy in their hearts.
- I want to seek opportunities to laugh more. I find as I have gotten older I don’t laugh nearly as much. And that’s just dumb because laughing is the best medicine for a happier life. So why NOT chase the giddy happiness of it?
- I want to build my blog enough for me to work from home. Presumably my future home will be awesome and sunny and I will have a balcony overlooking more awesome things where I can blog and drink wine and wear short shorts. Yep. #lifegoals
- I want to learn to sew, and maybe someday when I am good enough start sewing beautiful clothes for myself and my son.
- I want to truly live my life more, rather than just live each day in order to get onto the next one. I want to take more time to find the joy and wonder in the little things. I don’t want to waste my days anymore, so that I can look back and be satisfied knowing that I have lived every second to the absolute fullest. And what an amazing life that would be!
So that’s my list so far! Now, just to get started….
Do you have your own Happiness Bucket List? Full of things that will expand your mind and that will help you find more joy in your every day?? Let me know in the comment box below, and lets keep each other accountable on this happiness journey! xxxx
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xxxxx
